Something is wrong with me. I cannot wake up before 11am. I just cannot. If I go to bed at 7am, I wake up at at 11. If I got to bed at 7pm, I wake up at 11. If I go to bed at midnight, I wake up at 11.
This is particularly terrible because I have class at ten. I can watch the lectures online, sure, but I hate missing class. It’s damaging to my self-esteem. I feel like I won’t be able to do the work if I don’t go to class – even though my lecturer sucks and I don’t learn anything in class either. Perhaps there is subconscious learning in the note-taking. I have no reason to believe there is, but I’m not big on “evidence”
I don’t know what to do to get up earlier. Part of me feels that on some level, I wake up on that time intentionally to miss physics because I’m so scared of it. But I wake up at that time even when I don’t have physics.
I’m pretty nervous about the life I want. I feel like it’s really challenging, and so much could go wrong.
However, as excitable and workaholicy I am (only when I’m doing stuff I like, unfortunately) as I am, I’m not one of those people who says they never want to retire. I’m ALREADY excited to retire, and I haven’t even started working.
I’m going to have a farmhouse and dogs (I don’t think I’ll be able to have a dog until then because I’m never home enough) and chickens. In the mornings I’ll blast symphonies across the open pasture and go for walks. In the evenings I’ll lay in the grass (that’s right; this farm ain’t in Arizona) and watch the stars come out in complete silence.
I half-jokingly plan to get married when I retire, too. Seems like the right place in life to do it.
I’ve mentioned this before, when I said I wanted to live isolated in nature – but that is intended to be done in the more near future. Definitely way before I retire. It’s meant to be an experience in reflection that will benefit my life.
This, this is just what I envision as the perfect capstone.